About time to update, it's been two months!

So I got the first real rest since the conference two weeks ago! I took a three and a half hour nap yesterday afternoon/evening. Then I went to a highschool friend's house with Anne to hang out, eat yummy brownies, and watch a movie. We got home from that at about 1:30 ish. I fell asleep at about 2ish. Then woke up at 12:30ish! It was wonderful! I finally feel refreshed and awake! It's been a long two weeks of tests, quizzes, research papers, and babysitting! I have three tests coming up this week but I let myself sleep and not stress about those! It was really getting rediculous! The average amount of sleep I got was 6 hours. The most sleep I got was one 8hour night last week sometime! My body definitly couldn't handle that little sleep and running around with kids as well as stressing and studying.

I have had this abstract craving to go shopping for the past week and a half--still haven't had time to go!

God is amazing! He's been working on my heart for the past two weeks--since the Kid's Holy Spirit Conference. It's been interesting and hard yet wonderful! I felt so restless that first week and everytime I sat down and started thinking about Him I would just start crying! It was crazy! Like I'd be walking through the TCC campus going to my next class and listening to Hillsong Kids Supernatural on my mp4 and tears would start rolling down my face! I got so overwhelmed by God so many times! Even sitting in class, I had to make sure to stay focused on what the teacher was saying and not let myself go to that place of sensitivity to God otherwise I would start weeping!

It was a crazy week! I'm not even fully aware of all that God was doing but I know He was doing something big! I couldn't focus on anything but Him the entire week! Like I had tests and stuff to study for and i couldn't focus at all! I felt so restless! I wanted to do something but I couldn't figure out what! I know it was something with or for the Lord but I didn't know what to do! No matter what I did, it didn't satisfy the restless hunger. I would spend an hour in worship--I would pour out my heart to the Lord and weep and love on Him and He would love on me but after an hour, I felt like I could keep going for hours and hours and still not get enough of Him! I would probably have done just that if it wasn't for all the test and stuff I had to study for. This week has been a little different! The picture is becoming more clear! The Lord has revealed some things to me and it blows my mind and awakens my heart! I am getting so excited!

One song that I spent an hour listening to and crying was the song by Jenn Johnson. It goes like this:

What can I do for you, what can I bring to you, what kind of song would you like me to sing? I'll dance a dance for you pour out my love to you. What can I do for you beautiful King. Cuz I can't thank you enough. (it repeats this a couple times)

All of the words that I find, I can't thank you enough. No matter how I try, I can't thank you enough.

Then I hear you sing to me, saying, "you don't have to do a thing. Just simply be with me and let those things go cuz they can wait another minute. Wait, this moment is too sweet would you please stay here with me and love on me a little longer." I hear you sing, "you don't have to do a thing. Just simply be with me and let those things go cuz they can wait another minute. Wait, this moment is too sweet. Would you please stay here with me and love on me a little longer. Cuz I like to be with you a little longer. I love to be with you a little longer. Cuz I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you."

This song just melted me from the inside out! The first part was really a cry of my restless spirit! I wanted to do something for Him. My heart yearned to do something. To say something, to sing something, to dance for Him, to pour out my love to Him. But I didn't know what to do! I wanted to do something. He simply answered and said you don't have to do a thing! Just simply be with me a little longer. Let those other things go because they can wait just another minute (I had a test the next morning that I had to study for). He just said wait, this moment is too sweet, just stay here with me and love on me for just a little longer. Please stay here with me just a little longer because I love to be with you. Just a little longer because I'm in love with you!

So I stayed with Him for as much time as I could! And I loved on Him and I cried with Him. I made Him smile! I gave Him just a little bit of time! It was all He wanted! He didn't want me to go out and change the world. He didn't want me to say all the right things. He didn't want me to do something amazing and extraordinary! All He wanted was for me to sit in that chair and look at Him and love Him with undivided attention for just a little while.

Something I understood that night was that God doesn't need you to do all this amazing stuff to get His attention! You have His undivided attention and all He really wants is for you to spend just a little bit of time with Him! You don't even have to sit for an hour. Just one glance from you ravishes His heart! Just one gaze, overwhelms Him! Just a simple I love you Lord when you first wake up in the morning is enough to melt His heart! Do you get it? He is already head over heels in love with you! All He wants is for you to turn around, look at Him and smile. Then keep going with your busy day!

I just got a picture of a boy and a girl. The boy is sitting at a desk at the back of the room and he is so in love with the girl sitting on the front row. All he wants is for her to turn around and look at him and smile and he gets that rush on the inside! Like, I think she likes me. And that just makes his day! Just a simple smile that says, among all the other people and things in this room, I see you! I am thinking about you right now! That's how it is with God. He's sitting on the back row just watching you go about your day, hoping for you to turn around just once and glance at Him!

Give Him that simple pleasure today! It doesn't cost you anything yet it's like if you were giving Him the moon on a silver platter!

Currently Listening Meme Si By Gregory & Lucie Silvas Lemarchal see related

So I have officially had my braces off for 1 week. I just went to pick up my retainer today. It's a lot better than the temporary one I had to wear all week but with this one, I definitly talk with a lisp! That's gonna get really annoying really fast! Anne and I stopped by starbucks on our way home from the orthodontist and when I ordered my drink, I was wearing the retainer so I was talking with a lisp and Anne and I couldn't stop laughing because it sounded so funny. I think the guy thought we were laughing at him though. We felt bad but to explain why we were laughing would have been more embarrassing that necessary so we just let it go!

Anyways...no deep, and meaningful entry today...

I got my mp4 in the mail on Saturday--I was really excited! The only problem is that I can't find a case for it because apparently most stores don't carry mp4s they just sell ipods so the cases are slightly different! Since I bought my mp4 on ebay, I'm having a hard time finding a case that fits! So if anyone knows where I could find an mp4 player case, let me know!

Ok, enought stalling...I need to go do homework. I have a Chemistry Lab quiz on Wednesday and a Sociology and Chemistry test on Friday. Since I babysit all day Tuesday and Thursday, that leaves most of my studying to today, and Wednesday!

Hope you all have a blessed day!

Do you really know Jesus?!

Do you really know Jesus?!

I'm not talking about salvation and all that great stuff...I'm talking about the day that you see your Saviour face to face...will you honestly be able to run into His arms and say "I know you!"?

Most of us have never really seen Jesus--the only way we know what He looks like is from the Bible.

So when you see Him in Heaven, will you really know Him? Do you know His heart and His character? Do you know His love, His thoughts?...Do you really know Jesus or do you just know about Him?

I was convicted of this just last week. At the One Thing conference someone was on stage speaking and they asked this same question. When you stand before your lover and see Him...will you know Him?

I realized that I don't. And I decided right then and there that I will dedicate my life to this one goal above all else and that is to truly know Jesus. If it takes me an eternity than so be it but when I get to Heaven, I will know Him!

I can't wait to meet Him face to face! My lover--the one who is ravished by my heart! The one that I have dedicated my whole life to! I long for His return! How about you? Do you really want to know the one who decided that He would rather die than to ever live without you?

I mean think about it--He said He is ravished by my heart! Just one glance from me overwhelms Him! How could you not completely fall in love with someone who knows you as well as a sibling would and still wants to make you His bride! (Song of Solomon "my sister, my bride") In my weakness, He finds me ravishing!
ravished means--to overwhelm with emotion; enrapture, to move, to rapture; delight beyond measure, enthrall, transport, entrance, enchant.
Now imagine the Creator of the Universe feels that way about you...little, seemingly insignificant you! Now a love like that is worth dying for...it's worth living for...it's just beautiful...overwhelmingly beautiful!

I got this word for the day from Ras Robinson and I love it because it's so true!

January 3, 2006. Indescribable gift. That is what you are to Me. Precious beyond words to describe would partially describe the way I see you. Yes, I gave Jesus into the world as both My sacrifice for you and as My Indiscernible Gift. But then I have made you to be like Him. And day by day you are becoming more and more like Him. My heart is filled with joy when I think of you. You are the apple of My eye and your name is inscribed on the palm of My hand. This means you are ever before Me, in My sight and in My reach. All of this, because I love you so much. The enemy has been whispering in your ear so many lies intended to tear you down and destroy the beautiful person you are. Rebuke and resist Him and hear only My words. Indescribable gift.

I guess I should update about the One thing conference I went to but I don't think I could find words that would do justice to exactly what I experienced.

It was amazing to see 11,000 people most of which were 18-25 yrs old gathered in one huge auditorium for the sole purpose of searching out God's heart.

My heart is overwhelmed...truly overwhelmed. I really experienced God. I felt His heart for me. And in return, I gave Him mine completely and wholy.

Even that doesn't accurately describe what happened!

I guess I'll give a little background. On august 17, 2006, I showed up at church to babysit but then remembered it had been cancelled so I had to stay at church so I spent that time with the Lord and He spoke to me so I wrote it down. Here is what He said:

"You are not satisfied with little and there is little that satisfies you. That's because you were made for the deep things. I created you to be in the deep places of My heart; the deep places of My glory. You function best when you are in the deep. Just because you have a hard time finding satisfaction doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. It just means that you were made to go deep and not stay on the surface. You have a deep hunger to operate in the deep. Only those who are really hungry and refuse to be satisfied with the things that have already been revealed; only those who refuse to give up, will ever see the deep. Keep pushing forward. Keep pressing in for you will see the hidden riches in the secret places of the deep. You are called to operate; to move and breathe and have your being in the deep. Only there will you ever be truly happy. You have felt the deep calling to your deep but that is only the beginning. I don't want you to only feel it, I want you to operate in it. By letting you feel it, I am sparking a fire in you. A passionate unquenchable fire deep withing you. Once the fire starts, it will not be stopped. It will flow out of you like a mighty river consuming everything in its way. You will not be stopped or be put out. It will be as fire shut up in your bones. The bigger the fire, the deeper you will go. Nothing will be able to hold you back. You will fly. Don't be afraid. You are never alone. I am carrying you on my wings but the time is quickly coming for you to spread your new wings and fly. I am giving you a freedom like you've never known. I will never leave you nor forsake you. You are a unique warrior...the only one of its kind. I need you. I have things that I need you to do. It will not be easy but you can take it. I have created you for such a time as this. You will have everything you need. So be ready. When I tell you it's time, you will have to spread your wings and fly. I am empowering you and strengthening you for this new day and your new stand. You will be ready. I would not tell you to go unless I was sure you were ready. So trust me and listen for my instructions. Strategic positioning and strategic timing. Look for it."

Then on December 3, 2006, during worship at church I got into the deep place with God and I prayed out some things: "From the ashes the fire will be rekindled. Ignite in us a holy fire. Ignite a revival fire."

Then at the One thing conference in Kansas City, we were in corporate intercession and we were praying "pour out your spirit even now. This is the revival we have been contending for. Let it rain. Open the floodgates of Heaven and soak these dry lands."

Several times we prayed for the fire of God and it came. I received it! A fire so deep that it cannot be quenched.

My prayer for most of this conference was to yearn for Him and to burn with passion over Him and only Him.

He has become my lover. My beloved in whom I take so much delight. I am ravished by Him and the coolest thing is that He is ravished by my heart! For those of you who don't exactly know what ravished means, it basically means overwhelmed with emotion, delighted, enthralled. (the definition they gave us was much longer but that's all I wrote down)

I went to the prayer room there at one point and just sat in the Lord's presence and told him how much I loved Him and that I am in awe as I gaze upon His beauty and He answered me so I wrote it down. He said: "As you gaze upon Me with awe-struck wonder, I see so much innocence in your face. But you know, it's your eyes that really get to me. Oh the depth that I see in your beautiful eyes. It pulls at my heart. I love to do things that make you wonder because I love your reaction. I love to watch you discover new things. You are a delight to me."

It's kind of funny because I feel like I'm a love-sick schoolgirl who is showing off the love letters she receives from the one she loves so dearly...actually, that quite accuratelly describes what I'm doing.

You can't love someone you don't know so the cry of my heart is that I would know Him...really know Him. He knows me so well. My goal--even if it takes an eternity--is to know Him as well as He knows me. I will spend the rest of my life dedicated to that goal.

He has already given me so much fire and passion for Him but I want more. The more of Him I get, the more lovesick I become and the more of Him I want.

I know this is already really long but there's just so much I want to share.

They sang a song on Sunday (the last day of the conference) that I loved:

"The stars they don't move you. The waves can't undo you. The mountains in their splendor cannot steal your heart. This God who is Holy, perfect in beauty, awesome in glory is ravished by my heart. And though I'm dark, you say I am lovely. And though I'm poor, you say I am beautiful. And somehow my weakness has overwhelmed you. Somehow my weak love has stolen away your heart."

Then part of another song just became the cry of my heart: "How far will you let me go? How abandoned will you let me be?"

I started crying and earnestly asking Him how far can I go...how abandoned can I be? How many hours a day can I waste on you? How much of my life can I waste in total abandonment to you?

I really had a life-changing experience during the week as a whole. The strongest most impactful time for me was on Sunday night from about 9ish til 12:15. I spent practically the whole time, crying and shaking and just being so close to God that I could hear His thoughts toward me and it was so...I can't even describe it! I had been asking the Lord for several days to let me see His face when I did or said something that delighted Him and on Sunday night, I asked for that again I just wanted Him to hold me and to let me see His face and in my spirit I saw tears rolling down His face as I was crying and loving on Him. It was so wonderful and overwhelming! I really fell in love. Deeper in love than I ever have before. He was so tangibly close to me for over three hours--it was amazing!

We drove home on the 1st. The whole way home, I just wanted to turn the car around and go back. I had a really hard time leaving.

I guess it was hard to leave because I knew that when you're surrounded by people who are living the sacraficial lifestyle and are wasting themselves on God day in and day out, it's so encouraging. It's harder to find time to get away and spend with your lover when you're home and you go back to life as normal. I am determined to not go back to who I was but to press in and fall more in love with the Lord every day.

"I'm in love with God. And God's in love with me. This is who I am and this is who I'll be and that settles it. Completely!"(a song by Misty Edwards)

Kind of funny...I posted a little and then got off but I realized that I'm really in the mood to write! I have no idea what I want to write about but I just really felt the urge to write!

I wish I knew clearly where the Lord was taking me! It would clear up a lot of confusion!

Sometimes, I feel like I'm just running in circles, wondering around aimlessly. I know that there is a point to everything the Lord asks me to do no matter how simple or random it may seem! I just wish I knew the meaning behind some of the things that I do.

It's very clear that my focus right now is on children, toddlers, and babies! I have no idea what the Lord is trying to teach me through that or where He is taking me in that. I just know that it's where I need to be right now! The stuff I do with kids is not pointless, I know that! Everytime, I'm around them, I minister to them, I impart things into them. I draw things out of them. I call them up to a higher level! I'm a part of raising up an army that will cover the earth and break down the strongholds of the enemy! I am raising up leaders, I'm raising up warriors who will passionately run with God! I'm raising up a people who are unashamed of being even more undignified and who are passionatly in love with God!

I think I'm drawn mostly to babies and toddlers because it's easier to impart things into them--they are still so receptive to the things of the spirit! My ultimate goal, is to keep the things of the spirit alive in these children. Babies come straight from the throne room of God so when they first come down here, they are very open to the things of the spirit and it is very familiar to them but as they grow older, they start to forget. My goal is to remind them so they never forget! I'm 20 yrs. old and have only been aware of and operating in the spirit for about a year. I mean, I was raised on this stuff but I've only been so hungry for it for the past year. Imagine if I had never lost that hunger as a baby?! Where would I be right now in the spirit? If we could somehow find a way to not let babies and children forget how to function in the spirit realm, just think of the powerful army we would have!!! If we could get kids to be serious about the things of God and not have to chew it up in order for them to understand! I'm tired of entertainment! Kids need to be empowered and taught how to use their swords! And as Bill Johnson says, they need to go to bed every night with blood on their swords! Kids are not just kids! I think we underestimate them! I'm not pointing any fingers--I'm guilty of doing the same thing! It's time to raise up an army!

I have the vision! I just don't know how to get from point A to point B!

Everytime I'm in the nursery or even babysitting in people's homes, I try to put anointed music on because I know that it sets the atmosphere. When I babysit babies, I walk around with them praying in tongues and they love it! On Sunday mornings, I try to hold babies as much as possible during worship because the have the ability to bring things down that we need! They have things to teach us! Babies are probably the most powerful things on planet earth they just don't know how to operate in the natural. They don't know how to bring the things of the spirit realm into the natural realm. What I do during worship, is I draw from them and I impart into them. I can't even explain how I do that, it's just something the Lord has given me the ability to do! When I hold babies, it's like this connection is established and I feel a rush of power and anointing flow through me from Heaven into the child that I'm holding and the atmosphere around us! It's the coolest thing!

Anyway, dinner is ready so I need to go eat! This was a very successful entry--it cleared up some stuff for me! I love when God does that. He gives me this strong urge to start writing and then revelation flows as I write! I love it!